Note: Cross-references are italicised.
Thanks to
Steve Guest
(who provides his own glossary in The Knowledge)
and J.Onzer for feedback and suggestions.
Techniques. | |
| Fell Running | As in "I fell running." The uninitiated are often surprised just how accurate this is. |
| Ascent | Going up into the clouds. |
| Long ascent | You come out above the clouds. |
| Descent | Coming back down out of the clouds. |
| Long descent | You pass through four different habitat zones on your way down. |
| Very long descent | You reach the Underworld. |
| Navigation | 1. Running around in the clouds while not looking at your map or compass. |
| 2. The art of following someone else. | |
| Navigational error | 1. Not-looking at your map and compass for too long. |
| 2. Following the wrong person. | |
| U-turn | The technique of reaching a top in cloud, setting off to descend the other side and finding yourself at the top of the slope you've just come up. |
| Descending u-turn | As a u-turn but not making the discovery until you're at the bottom of the slope you had previously ascended. |
| Scenic route | Ascending tops and descending into valleys not on the obvious line between where you were and where you want to be. |
| Very scenic route | A scenic route including multiple ascents or descents of the same non-obvious top or valley. |
| Relocating | Making for an obvious feature in order to redefine one's current whereabouts. Popular relocation features include tops a couple of thousand feet higher than one's current position and motorways which are always further away than they sound. |
| Getting lost | Undefined in fell running. While road runners may use this term
when uncertain of their position, Real Fell Runners are either
taking a scenic route which always leads to where they are going
or are in the process of relocating.
|
| Hill | Anything a Real Fell Runner can run up. |
| Small hill | Less than 2,000' high. |
| Big hill | Over 3,000' high. |
| Mountain | Something a fell runner can't run up because oxygen tanks won't fit into their bum bag. |
| Top | The summit of anything - hill, mountain, ridge, boulder, crag, phonebox, etc. (Many fell runners are inveterate climbers and ascend anything which doesn't move as well as a few things which do.) |
| Sheep track | A path along a fellside which never goes where you want to. |
| Tussock | Large tuft of grass which conspires to turn ankles. |
| Scree | Steep slope of stones of various sizes. The small ones get into your shoes and the large ones clobber your ankles. Real Fell Runners ignore the pain this causes but Southern Softies have to empty their shoes at the bottom and apply extensive bandaging to their ankles. |
| Peat | Black, organic mud common in fell areas which always looks the same regardless of whether it is firm going or bottomless gloop. The famous bodies of ancient people found in peat bogs around Western Europe are the first known fell runners who made a bad route choice. |
| Tarn | 1. Sheep-flavoured body of water.
2. Blue splodge on a map which may contain water on the ground but could just as likely be a depression of peat. |
| Marsh | Tussocks of grass growing on a tarn. |
| Flat | Gradient up to 1 in 3. |
| Gentle slope | Gradient up to 1 in 1. |
| A bit steep | Sub-vertical. |
| Quite steep | Vertical. |
| Very steep | Overhanging. |
| Wet rock | Something to which no known footwear will stick. |
| Dry rock | Alternate state of wet rock, rarely encountered due to the prevailing weather in fell running areas. |
| A bit boggy | You will sink up to your knees. |
| Quite boggy | You will sink up to your waist. |
| Very boggy | You will need a snorkel.
|
| A bit wet | Raining. |
| Quite wet | Raining heavily. |
| Very wet | Torrential. |
| Dry | Just some light drizzle. |
| Sun | Celestial body whose appearance magically transforms wet rock into dry rock but which rarely stays around long enough to do a proper job. |
| A bit windy | You had too much curry last night. |
| Quite windy | You don't get blown off your feet. |
| Very windy | Hurricane-force. Mountain marathon organisers implement bad weather routes if it's also very wet. |
| Cloud | Visibility unenhancer to prevent fell runners from hurting themselves by looking at the view when they should be watching their feet. |
| Thick cloud | Extra-dense cloud to prevent fell runners from
seeing the state of their feet.
|
| Sheep | Animals with more sense than fell runners. (They travel along the hillsides instead of straight up and down.) |
| Dead sheep | Flavouring for hillside stream water. |
| Fell race | An extended family group of mountain runners. |
| Heather | When growing in crevices this plant can provide useful handholds for
ascending or descending wet rock.
|
| Jelly babies | Triathletes use high-tech energy sources like PowerBars but Real Fell Runners eat jelly babies. |
| Emergency food | Three jelly babies. |
| Carbo-loading | Softy road runners might like pasta but Real Fell Runners eat bacon butties and chips (with plenty of salt). |
| Carbo drinks | Forget Gatorade, Real Fell Runners drink five pints of Old Peculier (sic). |
| Bilberries | A delicacy when in season. Like heather, also useful for grip when growing on wet rock. |
| Water stop | Pausing to lose some water. |
| Pee with a view | A water stop in nice scenery. Doubly satisfying!
|
| Fell shoes | Footwear resembling ballet shoes with studs which will adhere to all surfaces known to man and goat with the sole exception of wet rock. |
| Smelly hellies | Most modern thermals are impregnated with anti-bacterial agents but Real Fell Runners use Helly Hansen's offerings. |
| Map | Large-scale picture of the area being run through, most commonly used in the absence of toilet paper. |
| Compass | This differs from the geometer's compass, frequently used to inscribe circles, in being frequently non-used to cause the runner to run around in circles. |
| Whistle | Little piece of orange plastic which hides in the deepest recesses of bum bags. |
| Elastoplast | Useful for emergency repairs to fell shoes. |
| First aid kit | One slightly-used elastoplast. |
| Bum bag | Useful for keeping your map and compass out of harm's way. Real Fell Runners wouldn't be seen dead in some of the current atrocities of bum bags which carry thirty gallons of water and the contents of a small bungalow. Real Fell Runners only carry map, compass, whistle, one slightly-used elastoplast and three jelly babies. Real fell runners don't need to carry water as they are happy to drink from hillside streams, with or without dead sheep. In the absence of streams they can always lick the wet rock. |
| Waterproof | Useful padding in a bum bag so the other bits don't rattle around. |
| PB Fell Suit | To a non-fell runner this appears to be a waterproof suit, the jacket of which folds into its own pocket, becoming a bum bag into which you can squeeze the over-trousers. Real Fell Runners know that it is actually a bum bag with integral waterproof, detachable over-trousers and just the right amount of space for everything they need to carry, viz. map, compass, one slightly-used elastoplast and three jelly babies. |
| Vest | Real Fell Runners' outer layer of clothing in most conditions. (If it's
warm they dispense with the vest.)
|
| Grades | Fell races are graded according to the climb per mile which can
be rather daunting to the uninititated. The grades are given
with Southern Softy Road Runners' equivalents:
C - Hilly. B - Very hilly. A - Mountainous. |
| Distance | Race length is graded in a similar way:
Short - Fast and furious. You won't be out for long but your legs will receive a pounding such as they've never known. Medium - You'll be "gone some time." Long - You might be back for tea. |
| Skills | Many races advise certain skills:
Navigation - You should know how to not use a map and compass and/or follow appropriate people. Local knowledge - If you don't know to keep left at the pointy rock on the West Wall Traverse you will have a few seconds to reflect upon your lack of local knowledge before your body is spread over the rocks below. |
| Mountain marathons | Two whole days ascending, descending and navigating with a rucsack on your back containing everything you need for a self-sufficient weekend, viz. tent, sleeping bag, map, compass, one slightly-used elastoplast and six jelly babies (three for each day). |
| 24-hour challenges | Enough ascending and descending in one day to last the average road runner a lifetime. |