I was out running in the early days of the foot and mouth crisis, lost in my own thoughts as I floated along with the birds singing and the sun shining. I turned off the road up a footpath which wended its pretty way amongst bushes while climbing gently towards a steep slope at the top of which lay a farm. I could hear the regular knock of a hammer and saw a farmer working beside the track for which I was making. Suddenly I had an horrific thought. Ye gods! I shouldn't be here. (There had been no warning sign where the path left the road and I had completely forgotten about the total footpath closure with maximum fine of £5,000.)
What to do? I could turn round and hope to get out of sight or to the end of the path without being spotted but the farmer had quite a view from up there and was sure to spot me (although obviously hadn't so far). I could continue and try to explain my oversight when I reached him but my way went right through the farmyard and that was sure to make matters worse.
In the end I did neither but sub-consciously took another option unavailable to most runners in such a predicament - I woke up!
The following evening I had another dream.
I'm at Exeter Arena - Lining up with a bunch of other runners.
It's just a sprint - Seven and a half laps of lung-busting, muscle-mangling, brain-aching speed.
The man shouts Go! - We're off, jostling for position.
Not too fast now - Don't wanna burn out.
Half a lap down - So far, so good.
A whole lap now - Think I've been here before.
The second lap - This is getting boring.
Past the start for the third time - A not-so-magic roundabout.
Feet pounding the tartan - Too often for comfort.
Lungs ache - Fit to burst.
Legs ache - They're not used to this.
Brain aches - What am I doing?
Hey, this is not pleasant.
Where's the mud?
Where're the hills?
This ain't the uninhibited, uninhabited path.
I feel like I'm going round in circles,
Running hard just to get to where I was a minute and a quarter earlier.
C'mon, wake up quick - Even dreams hurt, you know.
C'mon, c'mon - Snap out of it, man.
Huh? Oh no, it's not a dream - I really am here!
AAARRGGHHHHH!